I Don't Like "Lightning Bolt" or "Finger of Death"

Two Tedious Spells

Lightning Bolt is a boring spell; it's just Fireball in a straight line. Finger of Death is also boring, despite the Doom Metal sensibilities of its name, because it lacks any visual appeal. The solution?

The Ruinous Bolt 
LVL 6, MU (Or Wiz, Sor, Storm Cleric, or whatever)
A bolt of lightning cracks from your fingertip, lancing toward its mark. Make a ranged attack roll (use INT bonus if playing a contemporary edition) against a target within 120', ignoring non-magical armor and shield bonuses to AC. If hit, target must make a CON save (or Death/Poison, etc.) or die. Target takes 5d6 damage on a successful save. Human-sized, non-magical objects, human-sized potions of larger objects, and creatures with 4HD or fewer, are obliterated without a save. Bolt automatically hits immobilized targets.

There, a sexy little death-spell with a bit of spectacle to it. It's also kinda logical, since being struck by lightning, irl, carries a significant chance of death (Google says 10-30%, but this is magical lightning, and probably has a higher fatality rate). 

Chain Lightning is a little more interesting, because it hits multiple targets, and isn't just a linear copy of fireball, so I'd keep it as is, but maybe reduce its LVL to 4 or 5.

A friend pointed out that it's a shame to waste such a metal name, like "Finger of Death", so, just make Finger of Death a LVL 7 spell, with no attack roll or line of effect required (the target just needs to be within range, so you can point at them). The target must save or wither into a lifeless husk/explode in a shower of gore (your choice). The target still takes 5d6 damage on a successful save, from residual withering/rupturing. Non-magical plants and creatures of 5HD or less don't get a save.

The Black Ooze: Mutating your PCs for fun and profit

Black Ooze

A viscous, tar-black substance that manifests in subterranean dungeons, streaming through walls or pooling in low pits. Smells like rust and cum, tastes too sweet, feels like body-temp liquid mercury. Any living thing submerged in the ooze undergoes hideous mutations. This explains the proliferation of freakish monsters, in certain dungeons.

·         If a single appendage or extremity is dipped in the ooze, only that extremity will be mutated.

·         The mutated parts of a creature are immune to further mutation by ooze.

·         If imbibed, whole body is mutated as if creature hand been submerged. Black ooze turns to inert dust, after a few minutes, if separated from large mass. Magic might preserve it for longer.

·         Mutated beings sometimes form cults around sources of black ooze. “The Nameless King of the Black Ooze” is depicted as a pillar of black ooze wearing a tarnished silver crown, and worshipped as a god of lepers, monsters, and outcasts.

Example Mutations: Here’s a few mutations I came up with, suitable for PCs. Make more of your own.

Body Cavity: Character’s front may split down the middle to reveal a hollow, tooth-filled inside, like a fleshy iron maiden. May attempt to trap human-sized or smaller grappled foes inside, for 1d6DMG per turn. May retract teeth to disguise a friend, like a suit of skin.

Worm-Gut: Your stomach inverts, projecting outward from your mouth, like a giant maggot, with ivory mandibles. 1d6DMG, 10’ reach. Attacks are acidic and dissolve most living tissue. No ill effects from eating any kind of flesh. Stomach regrows after a few days, if severed.

Weapon Fusion: One of your arms becomes a useless, clubbed stump, but merges with the melee weapon you were holding at the time of mutation. The weapon can retract into the stump, perfectly concealed.

Face Melt: Your head becomes a constantly churning, swirling mass of flesh and sensory organs. You may spend a minute sculpting it into a disguise. You can’t change the color of your features but may alter their size, shape, and position. The disguise begins to melt again, after 10 minutes, unless you spend a minute touching it up.

Parasitic Twin: A repressed part of your personality manifests on your body as a stunted twin, connected by a knot of tissue. Has a handful of abilities appropriate to the part of your psyche it represents- new languages, skills, or even a spell. Has goals of its own.

Black Ooze Monsters: Sometimes the black ooze will mutate the mind as well as the body, producing monstrosities like these.

Living Armor: A knight who exploded inside his full-plate and promptly went mad after merging with the metal suit. Corded veins and displaced organs occasionally leak from the gaps. Screams echo from within.

Crybaby: A feeble, naked adult body bent backwards by the weight of the giant, squalling infant head attached to its neck. Bludgeons anything in its path.

Cannibal Oak: A gnarled oak tree with branches that end in skeletal hands. The large knot in its trunk opens like a mouth, revealing a splintery hollow brimming with blood. Roots serve as tentacles. Hates anything made of flesh.

Longwolf: A mad wolf, as tall as a stag, with an elongated midsection, giving it the appearance of a furred, quadrupedal serpent. Attempts to surround its prey with its long body.

The Ridden: This faceless stallion has the upper body of a deranged human, protruding from where its cock should be. It will attempt to knock victims down so the human-part can tear them apart and devour them.

Anthropohydra: Resembles a headless, crawling giant, with human torsos sprouting from its back: a jubilant chorus which begs the PCs to merge with it.

Ooze Priest: A hooded figure wearing a black robe and thin, tarnished silver circlet. Its features cannot be discerned beneath the robe. Speaks with a calm, even voice. Encourages the PCs to bathe in the ooze. The other monsters ignore it.

The Prison of Kath

The remote town of Kath has failed to pay tribute to the Capital. No one has heard from the town since before the winter. Now that spring has melted the mountain pass, the PCs have been dispatched as an escort to the tax collector. None of the nearby settlements have been in contact with Kath, either, which disturbs those who have relatives there. There are whispers that the people of Kath have found religion and cut themselves off from the outside world. As they approach Kath, the PCs notice that its fields have not been worked and there are no animals grazing in the pasture. Many, small, fresh mounds dot the landscape. The city walls have been hastily fortified, and its gates are bound shut with heavy chains.

·         The town was built near an ancient military fortification, turned prison. The bowls of the prison open up into a cave complex, where a pool of black ooze was discovered. The prisoners, guards, and some of the townsfolk were mutated, many driven to madness and cannibalism. The prison chaplain leads a cult dedicated to the Nameless King of the Black Ooze, kidnapping the remaining townsfolk and hurling them into the slime pit, birthing new monstrosities. The chaplain wishes to overtake the surrounding countryside, creating a Zion of New Flesh, wiping away the cruel, petty vanities of the land’s old order. 

·         The Warden has turned into a corpulent, gluttonous beast, relishing human flesh. He pukes up humanoid slime-monsters. 

·         The Prison supposedly has a hidden vault, containing vast wealth of the old kingdom. (Not quite so vast, but a nice chunk of change.)

·          Also hides the legendary enchanted blade of an ancient general (Actually the cursed sword of the executioner, possessed by a monstrous ghost. The general had a minor, but useful enchanted spear, which PCs may discover.) 

·         One of the prison’s first inmates was a powerful sorcerer and alchemist, who may have been capable of creating a philosopher’s stone. (In truth, a minor magician who accidentally caused the black pool to form, long ago. Left behind a few useful potions and a spell or two.) 

·         The tax collector is actually a researcher for the capital city council and wishes to procure samples of black ooze and its mutated victims so that his masters may create an army of inhuman soldiers. He will only tell the PCs this if absolutely cornered. He explains away his doggedness by the fact that he is a candidate for the next city bursar and isn’t going to let a few freaks stand between him and a promotion.

The mounds in the fields are graves of victims sacrificed to feed an immense plant-creature, resembling a giant heart with adventitious roots.

1d6 Angels for Your Campaign (With original signs inspired by Enochian script)

The Emerald Tablets of Zol: A scroll of white calfskin, contained within a brass tube, and sealed with sacred hexagrams. Written a hundred years ago by the holy-woman and exorcist Asche, it is supposedly a transcription of the eponymous emerald tablets found in the sacred city of Zol, by one of the ancient prophets. Most modern scholars agree that the story of the emerald tablets is merely metaphorical. The scroll contains all the spells necessary to summon, bind, and dismiss angels, as well as a circle of protection. The summoning of angels is less common than that of demons, since angels provide spiritual aid in return for material sacrifice, whereas demons will provide temporal power or wealth in return for the corruption of the summoner’s soul. The scroll contains the following angelic names and the symbols necessary to summon them. Treat the angels as HD6 creatures with appropriate attacks and defenses.

1-      Abaz

The first angel is Abaz. He is of the order of guardians, and commandeth thirteen angels of the minor orders. He appeareth as a splendid eye, in the center of a pentagram formed of five hands, joined at the wrists. Each hand maketh a different sign of benediction. His voice is like a whisper but is never misheard. He maketh one’s will strong against all temptations and ensorcelments and teaches a secret blessing. He giveth good familiars. For his aid, he requireth the conjurator become the godparent of an orphan or pauper. This is his symbol, which is to be drawn within the triangle of binding.   

 

2-      Olothohn

The second angel is Olothon. He is of the order of sin-eaters. He appeareth as a lord with three wolves for legs and the shining antlers of a stag upon his head. His office is to absolve sin. The sinner enters through the mouth of the grey wolf and undergoes sacred digestion. The sinner is coughed out again by the white wolf, while the black wolf coughs out the extracted sin, which dissolves in the angel’s light. After this, the sinner is ritually pure. To procure this absolution, one must feed the poor and needy by one’s own hands, for a month. This is his sign, which must be drawn within the triangle of binding.

 

3-      Uktiel

The third angel is Uktiel, one of the order of expurgators. She appeareth as a many-tongued flame but shall quickly assume the form of a flayed woman, with whips for arms, and eyes of fire. Her office is to purge the body of corruption, through flagellation. By her ministrations she dispels all rot and possession by evil spirits. Beware, for her help taxeth the body. She requireth the conjurator to tend to lepers or those diseased, for a week and a day, in return for her aid. This is her symbol, which is to be drawn within the triangle of binding, with burnt wine.

 

4-      Barizbel

The fourth angel is Barizbel. He is of the order of executioners. He appeareth as a whirlwind of many blades but may be persuaded to take the form of a tall man, with skin of jet. In this form, he weareth a giant helmet like a bleeding sun and wieldeth an immense axe. He speaks not but makes his will known by his gestures. His office is to destroy the spirits of the impure dead and will teach thee to smite the profane with holy furor. He maketh men immune to the fear of the dead. For his aid, he requireth the capture of a murderer, without reward. When he appeareth, make neither homage nor genuflection but state thy needs plainly and shortly, for he is of an impatient nature. This is his symbol which is to be drawn within the triangle of binding.

5-      Lod

The fifth angel is Lod, of the order of revelators. It appears as a great spinning disk which flashes with a many-colored light. It maketh a man wondrous knowing in matters of spirits and will expound upon the ranks of the angelic orders. It teacheth the art of divining the future by the falling of coins. Should you walk with Lod beyond the triangle of binding and circle of protection, take care to shield thine eyes with a white cloth, for the light of Lod will blind the eyes until the dark of the moon and confuse the mind with a thousand revelations. This is Lod’s symbol, which is to be drawn within the triangle of binding.

6-      Exachel

The sixth angel is Exachel. She is of the order of peacemakers. She appeareth as a beauteous winged woman, struck through with spears. She hath many eyes upon her body. She hath the power to bring peace to all meetings and may teach one to calm rages of the spirit. She also grants sound sleep and pleasant dreams. If thy need is great, she may bestow upon thee some of the spears within her body. When thrown the spears shall banish evil spirits and cause mortal creatures to sleep. Each spear may be used but once before returning to its mistress. One who uses their power selfishly shall be punished. In return for her favors, she requires the conjurator forgive an enemy or save one who was unjustly punished.